But after your doctor gives you the go-ahead (generally at around four to six weeks post-baby) and you feel maybe-kinda ready to see if things are still working down there, here are un-scary ways to give it a go. And don’t rush yourself. You and your body have been through a hell of a lot—so play your New Parent Card as much as you damn well please.
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1. Is This Thing On?
“Oral sex—with the slow introduction of fingers—is a great way to be warmed up and reintroduced to sex play,” says Laurel Steinberg, PhD, clinical sexologist and relationship expert. “Reminding their vagina how great it can feel when stroked just right will get delicate vaginal tissues ready to widen and lengthen to accommodate larger things like a penis or sex toy.” And honestly, “oral sex—with the slow introduction of fingers” is always an excellent plan.
2. Bumper Cars
“Women with pain during deep penetration should try positions such as being on top during intercourse, where they can control the speed and depth of penetration,” says women’s health certified specialist Cindy Neville, PT, DPT. “They may want to try a device that acts like a ‘bumper’ and effectively shortens the length of the penis to decrease the depth of penetration while remaining pleasurable.”
3. The Ease-In
Pregnancy teaches you all kinds of fun new phrases like “pelvis organ prolapse.” Put that sh*t out of your head for a bit with some verrry gentle penetration. “The key is to get a downward angle,” says Isa Herrera, founder of PelvicPainRelief.com. “It helps ease any symptoms a woman may be feeling in the bladder or any pressure due to pelvic organ prolapse. This position helps women have extraordinary orgasms because their pelvic-floor muscles will be naturally more relaxed.”
4. The Rocker
After being with a baby all the time, you will be so ready to be babied yourself. A spoon position with you in the fetal position will let you chill and just be taken care of for a few blessed moments. Plus, it avoids post-C-section belly contact, it’s a comfier shallow penetration, and your partner can reach around and enjoy your extra-bounteous post-birthin’ boobs.
5. The Pillow Pet
If your vagina is still feeling like a no-go zone but you want to do something intimate, start with the gentlest of hand jobs or fingering. Make a huge stack of firm pillows, resting your upper body on top with your butt out, like doggy. Your partner lubes up their hand and makes slow circles around your clit with a finger or two. If—and only if—you feel like going further, they can slide an exploratory finger up there, or maybe a penis, if they’ve got one. Otherwise, just take the gift of their attention, then go the fuck to sleep. (See also: New Parent Card.)
6. The Hovercraft
If you’re feeling tentative about a full-on bang, lie flat with your legs together. Your partner gets on top like missionary but rests their weight on their legs and elbows/hands so they’re only making hip-to-hip contact for a hundred percent less mushing of various tender bits.
7. The Can Opener
You lie flat on your back, with one leg straight down and the other bent and tucked under your partner’s arm à la the super-cool “can opener” jump into the pool. They get on their knees to enter, holding on to your leg. It’s lighter pressure on you, plus they do all the work—you just lie back and enjoy. If you’re feelin’ it, it’s easy to reach down and stroke yourself too.
8. Hot Cross Buns
Lie on the couch (lying on the couch is always a good start post-baby—or anytime, really), with a slope of super-firm pillows making a little ramp so you can put your butt up on the couch arm. Your partner stands to enter, holding on to your legs to cross and uncross them in a scissor move as they thrust for a lil extra oomph.
This article originally appeared on Women’s Health US.
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