A mom is putting her foot down when it comes to taking her 14-year-old daughter Joceline to her ex-husband’s wedding — and Reddit is completely on her side. The mom began by explaining that her ex-husband, who she had been married to for 20 years, cheated on her and is now marrying the woman who he had the affair with.
She’s completely heartbroken over the divorce but has tried not to let this effect their daughter. She’s decided to not tell Joceline about the infidelity until she’s a little older. Her ex-husband, however, doesn’t want to tell her at all. The mom agreed to let Joceline going to his wedding with the caveat that she was not going to drive her there. “He would have to provide the transportation to and from the wedding, as I want no part of it,” she explained. “I don’t want to drop my daughter off at his wedding, I don’t want to see all the decorations and the happy guests, it’d just be too much for me. I didn’t tell him all of that obviously, but he agreed.”
Then, he called her asking for a “huge favor.” “It turns out that his future in laws are flying in the morning of the wedding, and he has to go pick them up, therefore he can’t pick up my daughter the day of and wanted to ask if I could take her,” she recounted. “I said absolutely not and asked why he can’t pick her up the day before when she gets off of school. He said he doesn’t want to make the drive twice, and that he will likely not have time as he has to prepare for the rehearsal dinner.”
Now, her daughter is upset with her. She started crying when she found out what happened and accused her mom of keeping her away from her dad. Members of her ex-husband’s family are accusing her of being “heartless” and trying to “ruin his special day over a relationship that is long over.”
The mom is wondering if she made a poor choice. The last thing she wants to do is upset her daughter. She turned to Reddit for advice and people quickly came through with support and feedback. First off, they didn’t think she was TA for not wanting to transport her daughter to this wedding. Many reinforced that his in-laws can take a taxi or an Uber and he doesn’t need to pick them up. His decision not to get his daughter, one user pointed out, spoke volumes about his character.
“If he thinks picking up his future in-laws is more important than picking up his own daughter, then he’s very, very wrong,” the person wrote. “The adult in-laws can manage a variety of transportation options, a young teenager can’t. He’s showing his priorities, and it isn’t his daughter, and you need to be prepared to help protect her and guide her as he continues into the future wanting to play Happy Family and have his daughter go along with it while he puts her in second-place to his new family.”
Others questioned why no one else could pick Joceline up for the wedding. Perhaps one of the family members who seemed so peeved? Another user simply added: “Co-parenting doesn’t mean that you have to sacrifice well-defined boundaries. NTA.”
Multiple people suggested that the mom tell her daughter the truth about what happened in the marriage. One user reinforced the idea of holding off having that conversation until after the wedding. “Let the ride thing sort out itself and let her hate you for 2 weeks,” the person wrote. “Then after the fun and all you tell her. Now what this will show her is that you genuinely care about her (by waiting for her to create beautiful memories with her dad during a fun event – this case his wedding – before she starts to look at him differently) and you’re not telling her the truth to get revenge, spoil her relationship with her dad or use her as a pawn. She will see that without you even saying it.”
This is such a tricky situation for the Reddit user. It sounds like her ex-husband could be putting in a lot more work to make sure that she doesn’t have to be involved with a wedding that would remind her of his infidelity. What do you think she should do?
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