Victoria’s Secret model Bridget Malcolm is making significant progress in her recovery from a longtime eating disorder, but it takes constant work, she emphasized in a new blog post.
The Australian model, 27, reflected on the last two years that she has spent in recovery from severe anorexia, which have been filled with ups and downs.
Malcolm said that she “must never forget” that she is in recovery.
“I am not cured,” she said. “And I have to exert fairly constant vigilance on myself, to make sure that I don’t slip back into old habits.”
Malcolm said that at the moment, she is dealing with intense body dysmorphia.
“My body dysmorphia is particularly bad right now,” she said. “There is no reason why — I have not gained weight, and I have not lost weight. For some reason though, the feeling of my skin is making me extremely uncomfortable. I would love nothing more than to reduce the size of the human I see in the mirror. And I know that if I do, I endanger my life and everything in it.”
She said that while her body dysmorphia is difficult to deal with mentally right now, she knows it will pass, and that it can’t destroy her the way that her anorexia could have if she hadn’t stopped it.
“That does not mean that it will be bad in one hour, one day or even one month,” she said. “Everything changes, and discomfort now can mean happiness and strength tomorrow. However, what I do know to be true is that starving myself, ends in a lot of pain for myself and those around me. I know it, because I have lived it. It is a slow and gradual decline, but it is a decline. There is too much possibility in my life these days for me to give in to those old, mean voices.”
And Malcolm said that those voices help to keep her in check.
“Whilst the voices never go away, they certainly fade,” she said. “They become a background noise that is easier to drown out. And in a way, I found them extremely beneficial. In the past two years, whenever those voices have gone away, I suddenly realize that I have stopped eating. I gave in. And I had to start again with feeding myself. Sitting with them, and looking them in the face has been a treasure trove of insight.”
Malcolm said that today, she “will continue to commit to my three meals a day,” work out to build strength, not to lose weight, avoid mirrors and focus on her relationships.
“Because that is all I can really do right now,” she continued. “I am not the result of one massive lifestyle change. I am a culmination of every little action I do throughout the day. Living in recovery is extremely challenging. Sometimes the only thing I am capable of is thinking one step ahead. If I get too caught up in my future, I lose my grip on the present.”
“So today, try doing the small things that bring you back to center. It is all about progress over perfection after all.”
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